Q. I
would first off like to thank you so much for being a beacon in the fog of (mis)information on the Internet regarding the Islamic
faith. A few conditions have encouraged me to start looking into Islam (I am a
solitary practicing Christian, with some beliefs that are not the same as other
Christians (for example, I don't believe in the concept of the trinity – God in
three parts).
One reason is a close
friendship that I have had with a Muslim woman and her husband for the last 10
years. In those ten years, I have had many conversations on many topics, but no
matter what the subject, there was never any pressure or hint from them that I
should look into Islam; I would say that their actions spoke louder than words:
that faith is one to be kept between yourself and God.
Another reason is that I
found myself very confused when hearing disparaging remarks and generalizations
in statements about Muslims and criticisms about the Qur'an, seeing that I have
only had positive contact with practicing Muslims. Given my very limited
knowledge of this Holy book, I decided to read it and do my own research
(research on the Internet is immensely frustrating but I suppose you are already
very aware of this problem).
And lastly, I have met a
Muslim man whom I believe I could marry, and naturally since his faith is so
important to him, it is very important that I know as much about it as
possible.
When reading through your
website, I am heartened to see that there are leaders and educated persons
within the scope of Islam who are taking into account historical conditions and
the ability to use one's reason in order to understand the Qur'an. All of your
answers are well informed, thought out, and express more of the spirit which I
have perceived (one answer that is especially helpful to me is 'Contradictions
in the Qur'an', naturally because her situation at the time seems to reflect
mine at this very moment).
Now to finally get to my
questions:
1) My boyfriend (I use this
term, not in the sense that we are participating in 'zina', but that we have a relationship
with the intent to marry) is younger than I am, and comes from a culture that
has interwoven cultural traditions with religion. This drives him crazy when he
thinks about it! And for good reason, I think (the practice of discrimination
on the basis of caste, and the use of dowry in marriage arrangements). I guess
you can gather from those two things from what region he comes from. I have a
child from my first marriage, and although he has no problem with this, he
doesn't dare tell his family because it is unheard of in his culture that an
unmarried man should marry a divorced woman, let alone one with a child! I have
jokingly said that if his family asks about my age, that he can say that the
difference is not as great as that of Muhammad (pbuh)
and Khadijah (ra), but I
fear that this will only alarm them more. Is there anything within the Qur'an
that can help us in being truthful with his family and convincing them that it
will be lawful for us to marry, or is this something that is best kept silent
about until after marriage? He has great reverence for his parents, and I would
hate for there to be a situation that would damage his relationship with them.
2) In preparation for our
foreseen nuptials, I am studying the Qur'an and trying to learn as much as I
can about the hadiths with regard to
married and daily life. I have found one online course that looks interesting
at www.sunnipath.com in their academy called 'Understanding Islam'. Do you know
of these online courses and are they good (the reviews seem to be good), and
can you recommend any other online sources for learning about Islam? I am
looking online because English is my mother tongue, and I live in a foreign
country.
3) Since we plan not to have
children immediately, because it is his wish that I have sufficient knowledge
to raise our eventual children (insha Allah) as
Muslims, we have talked of using birth control for a short time after marriage.
I have read your answer on family
planning / birth control and am confused about two things:
a) The use of RU486 is prohibited
because it can be akin to abortion (the termination of an existing pregnancy),
yet you say nothing against an IUD, which prevents the zygote from attaching to
the uterine wall. Is it only the attached zygote which is considered viable,
and thus would an IUD under those conditions be an acceptable method of birth
control within Islam?
b) Given that the shari'ah
prohibits the excision of any organ that is not diseased or injurious to the
body, how can the practice of circumcision still be so widely condoned? I
personally don't believe in circumcision, and since my boyfriend and I have
already discussed this subject and he has agreed that circumcision will be the
right of the child to choose for or reject as an adult, it is not such a big
issue to my personal life, but I would like to know how this practice continues
given the obvious contradictions in these two rulings and the verse in the
Qur'an (chapter 4, verse 119) stating that:
"I
will mislead them, and I will create in them false desires; I will order them
to slit the ears of cattle, and to deface the (fair) nature created by Allah.
Whoever, forsaking Allah, takes Satan for a friend, hath of a surety suffered a
loss that is manifest.”
I have seen arguments
stating that since Muhammad was born without a foreskin (though some say he was
circumcised) that it is done to be more like the Prophet, though it seems
especially absurd, should it be because he was born without one (entirely
possible) because that is how Allah formed him, and therefore it was not an
alteration. There are all sorts of reasons given for the practice, but I don't
think they make any real sense when investigated.
Anyway, thank you so much
for taking the time to read my questions, and I hope you can find the time to
answer my first question soon, as it is the most important one to me at this
time. May Allah bless and guide you in your work.
A.
Thank you for your kind words. It is always heartening to see someone ask
questions rather than blindly accept things. In regards to your questions:
1. Regardless of what his
culture may state, the example of the Prophet stands there for us all to
follow. The Qur'an is rather clear that widows or divorcees may remarry, as in
Q2:231-5. The Qur'an places a lot of emphasis on the rights of children, and
this has nothing to do with if they are one's own or
adopted children. If your boyfriend is not man enough to stand up to his people
to protect the rights of the woman he allegedly loves, along with her child,
then either he needs to be educated, or something is wrong. Given the region
from which we assume he hails, we would advise you to carefully look into the
motives for this relationship. Is he truly appreciative of you, or are there
other motives? The ahadith
are replete with references to those who marry women with children, and the
fact that the Prophet chose Khadijah to be his first
wife certainly speaks volumes about his conduct. If a man for some reason
chooses to "hide" the child of his wife, that action can have some
truly negative repercussions on his relationship with that child, as well the relationship
between the mother and that child. Should the child find out that its mother was
party to hiding its presence, that could be very
depressing, to say the least. The stories of the prophets are useful to us not
simply as narratives, but for their moral message. If a Muslim takes pride in
Muhammad marrying a widow and an older woman, and does not see how this is a
commendable thing, then the whole idea of the Qur'an telling us that the
Prophet is a model example becomes meaningless.
2. For learning about Islam,
we suggest what sits comfortably with you. If thesunnipath
does, then do use them. We are not sectarian, so we are careful about any site
that makes its sectarianism so obvious. There are several books noted on our
website that we think should assist you. Those books are from a variety of
authors, among them Shias, Sunnis, Ahmadis, etc. The
Qur'an is the best source, and Muhammad Asad's
"The Message of the Qur'an" is highly recommended as his brilliant commentary
throughout should answer many questions that you may have.
3. Regarding the issue of
birth control, please read our answer
again: we did mention that many of the traditional scholars consider the RU486
as forbidden. This is NOT our opinion since doctors in the US are, by law and
medical ethics, not going to prescribe that pill where there is danger to the
health of the mother. We believe in the right to choose, and a woman's freedom
to make the choice about her pregnancy. We therefore allow for any procedure
that ensures that right. What our answer on family planning meant to convey is
that RU486 should not be used to terminate unwanted pregnancies as a form of
birth control; steps should be taken to prevent any unwanted pregnancies.
4. On the issue of circumcision:
we are dealing here with what has become ritual, and when something is in this
category, dictated by Abrahamic covenant, then it is not one to which we apply
the normal rules of rejection. Even before the time of the Prophet, according
to Josephus, the Jewish historian, the Arabs were following the circumcision
covenant. The Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) did not change
this. While we see it as a practice, we feel that since he chose to observe it,
and since the Hebrew Bible is very clear that this was a covenant, we ought to
uphold it. We are aware that there are those who say it is a barbaric ritual
and would prefer that it not be followed. To this we respond that since it is
not clearly mentioned in the Qur'an, one may elect to leave the practice. It is
a matter of choice. The arguments about the Prophet not being born with a
foreskin are absurd. Such arguments exist too in Judaism in the case of Adam.
It is not a matter of removing something bad or good, it is a ritual that is
mentioned in scripture. As an Arab, the Prophet would have had it done. Given
that he did not attain prophecy until 40, there is no need to talk about
circumcision. But the fact that the Arabs continued to observe the practice
showed that the Prophet sanctioned it. Recent medical research has shown that
there are health benefits (e.g., circumcision reduces the spread of HIV /
AIDS). Do note that previously, based on religious freedom, circumcision was
covered under medical insurance in many States. Today, the procedure is deemed
elective and is not covered by health insurance in most States. For more information
on this subject, you may reference the following articles. We hope this helps.
Male
Circumcision and Risk for HIV Transmission and Other Health Conditions:
Implications for the United States
http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/resources/factsheets/circumcision.htm
Circumcision
'reduces HIV risk'
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/4371384.stm
Posted
February 12, 2011