Q. I heard that
according to Shari'a Law, a husband's mother
has rights over his wife. I’m aware of a situation in which a wife is living
with an extremely difficult and vindictive mother-in-law. How much does the law
allow the mother-in-law to get away with?
A. In
Shari'a, the mother-in-law does not have
rights over the wife. This statement goes with a presupposition that is based
on a cultural imposition (typically found in much of the Muslim world) that is
being forced upon the Qur'an. The filial bond is different to the spousal bond,
and for anyone to confuse them is rather problematic. This occurs particularly
in cultures where the husband's mother lives with them. In Islam, the wife is
called "rabbat al bayt"
-- there can be no higher designation than that. There are numerous hadith
about filial duty, and the Qur'an's exhortations about one’s duty to parents talks about not saying "uf"
to them, i.e., words of rebuke. This means that they are to be treated kindly.
But the Qur'an also talks about wives being the garments of their husbands, and
husbands being the garments of their wives. That is an imagery that denotes the
closeness of the spouses. The Qur'an tells us the story of Adam and his spouse
(Eve), not of Abel and Eve, or Cain and Eve. In 4:1 and 30:21, the Qur'an tells
us about spousal relationships. If there is a situation where the mother-in-law
is trying to lord it over the daughter-in-law, then this ought to indicate that
the daughter-in-law is being treated as a servant, not as a wife. This is
absolutely against Islam. A wife ought to treat her husband's mother with
respect, but when all is said and done, a marriage and family starts with a husband
and wife, not a husband and his mother.
Posted October 5,
2012